President Obama To Buy Our Love For $500

Hey, guy in graphic on this CNN story, why the long face? Haven’t you heard Barack Obama is going to give us all a $500 tax credit! Why, I’ll be able to buy a new Nissan Hyundai or whatever with it, and then when I lose my job, I can return it! (This is really a promotion. I saw it on the teevee during the Eagles game yesterday.)

Obama would offer a tax cut equal to $500 a year for individuals and $1,000 for couples. The credit would work essentially as a payroll tax credit, meaning the money could be delivered fairly quickly. Companies could simply reduce the tax they withhold from employees’ paychecks.

The tax credit is likely to be offered only to those below a certain income level, but the Obama team hasn’t specified where the cut-off point would be. The credit also would be refundable, meaning that even tax filers without any tax liability — typically very low-income workers — would receive one.

Hooray! A free $500 to spend on bills or Nintendo Wii games! Thanks, President Obama, I feel better already.

Obama readies push for recovery plan [CNN Money]

At Least The Vikings Have This Announcer

The Vikings may have been vanquished by the Eagles yesterday, but Vikings fans shouldn’t be too upset. I mean, at least they still have KFAN’s Paul Allen doing play-by-play. An example (click the arrow to play):

Adrian Peterson touchdown run call

It really gets good/hilarious after Peterson scores. It’s the kind of thing that makes you love Eagles PBP man Merrill Reese more and more.

Historic Blackface Parade Offends!

Looks like one of the comic clubs got in trouble again this year! The Daily News reported Saturday that the routine of the B. Love Strutters upset some. Why, we just can’t have tasteless jokes at this event that was forever a blackface parade! Let’s see what all the fuss is about:

The skit featured [Geno's Steaks owner Joey] Vento popping out of the top of a float labeled “Gewizno’s Steaks” with a “When ordering, speak English” sign. Vento waved a poster reading, “What?” and tossed fake cheesesteaks into the crowd.

Then an announcer for B. Love Strutters cried out, “Uh-oh, here comes the Border Patrol!” Club members wearing Texas-sized cowboy hats and brandishing wooden rifles pretended to hold back a rioting crowd of “immigrants” from storming the border “fences.” As the immigrants burst forth, they traded in their country’s flag for an American flag, and a Mummer dressed as President-elect Barack Obama handed out Green Cards.

Look, the immigrants came into this country and traded their home country’s flag for an American one, so it could have been worse. I really enjoyed (I think) Lori Delgado’s attempt to spin it positively, calling the skit “a celebration of diversity.” Vento, of course, was having none of that, as he hates diversity:

When asked about that characterization yesterday, the 69-year-old Vento said, “Diversity? It’s a celebration to get a message across that we love immigrants here, we just want you here legally and we want you to speak English.”

Ha, ha, it sure was. Erhm.

Did routine cross bad-taste border? [Daily News]

Reid This!

Did you notice a few thousand drunk people shouting things like, “Hey! How ’bout them Birds?” last night, seemingly at random? Yes, perhaps you figured it out then: The Eagles played a little sloppy but beat the Vikings, 26-14, moving on to the Divisional round of the playoffs. They’ll play the Giants (ooh!) next week at the Meadowlands.

The game was broadcast by Fox, so we were treated to the usual nonsensical on-screen graphics. There was no Keys to the Game-style madness, but we did get that great stat above about Andy Reid’s historic 7 Divisional playoffs in 9 seasons record. Congratulations, Andy!

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Stu Bykiofsiy: Because idiotic white people blame all black people when a black person commits a crime… idiotic people are also upset at the Jews for Bernie Madoff. “Madoff’s arrest was a Christmas gift to anti-Semites,” Stu writes. I guess.

‘Joe Biden Picks A Puppy’

I encourage everyone to head over to the website of The Daily Local News (out in West Chester) and view this 2008 year in review video.

It’s pretty much the best year in review anyone could possibly do; the narrator uses a great voice that sounds like a parody of John Facenda, and the video suddenly, randomly ends with, “Joe Biden picks a puppy!” and a prediction for an Eagles’ Super Bowl win.

In other year-end news: Last night, on the Channel 69 news, the #1 story of the year was Obama’s election. The #2 was the debut of the Lehigh Valley IronPigs.

Abridged Daily News Columnists

Christine Flowers: How many times will the Daily News allow Christine Flowers to write that the Boy Scouts do not have a policy of no gays when they do, indeed, have a policy of no gays? I dunno. Whatever.

Jill Porter: What’s awesome is in a column criticizing people for praising the guy who shot another person at the Riverview Movie Theater, Jill Porter doesn’t criticize him, only the gun he used.

Stu Bykofsky: The Mummers parade was shorter this year!

Quotable Philadelphia 2008

A lot of things were said in Philadelphia this year. Here are some of my favorites.

WFC WTF
“World Champions. World Fucking Champions.” — Chase Utley, at the Phillies victory parade Oct. 31.

“Honestly, I don’t know how to follow up Chase.” — Jimmy Rollins, immediately following Utley’s speech.

“Anybody who utters a word of that caliber knowing that millions of kids and adults are listening in person and on the radio, TV and Internet has no class and is certainly no hero.” — A Northeast Times editorial on Nov. 6.

“I tell all kids not to use that word. If they’re 29 and they win the World Series, I think they can say that.” — Utley on Dec. 15. Utley’s speech was broadcast live on most local networks; the Inquirer reported the FCC got 26 complaint letters.

“It was embarrassing that he was allowed to do that and if there are no ramifications I will be furious. Is there no platform that is sacred anymore?” — A complaint letter to the FCC. More »

Larry: No Sex With Alycia

Hey, that Phillymag with the article about Dawn Stensland (Fox 29 anchor, wife of Larry Mendte, etc.) finally arrived in my mailbox; credit to the paper for actually getting to the only possibly interesting thing about the story in the second section, so I could stop reading it.

Today, Dawn says she believes Larry when he says the relationship between him and Lane was inappropriately close, and included kissing, but the two did not have sex.

And if you believe that, I have an issue of Phillymag to sell you. Then again, if everyone in the TV news business is going to act like 13-year-olds, maybe people only get to second base.

Roger Ebert Predicts Apocalypse

Hey, Roger Ebert, consensus #1 film critic, author of classic reviews of North and Jack Frost, how’s life been treating you?

Oh, I see you’ve answered with a blog post titled Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold. I’m down with the W.B. “Mason” Yeats, man. I knew you had good taste. Let’s see what you got for us in the post:

It’s all coming to pieces, isn’t it — the world we live in, the continuity we thought we could count on, the climate, the economy, the fragile peace. The 20th century was called “the American Century,” with some reason. I do not believe the 21st century will belong to anybody, and it may not last for 100 years of human witness. There are nuclear weapons in the Middle East and on the Indian subcontinent, and if one is used, more will follow and who can say when the devastation will end?

Um, yeah, I mean, I guess you could look at it that way if you want to be the “half-empty” kind of guy. But it’s only a few days after Christmas and the Eagles just unexpectedly made the playoffs, and I dunno, I don’t really want to have a downer of a conversation.

The weather is unhinged. It is no longer a question of global warming. It is a question of what in the hell is happening? I do not have to rehearse for you the details of this horrible American autumn, and a winter not yet half over. The tornadoes, the hurricanes, the floods, the blizzards, the wild fires, the heat waves, the water shortages, the power blackouts. The White House declares “a state of emergency” and the federal government sends money. How many states of emergency are we still in? How much more money is there?

More »